I got a call at work today from a company called LocalSplash (nofollowed link; I don’t want these guys to get any ranking boost whatsoever), offering us an amazing opportunity to pay them to get a “guaranteed spot in the top 7 Google rankings for multiple keywords”.
I took some notes during our 20-minute phone call because I just had to document how incredibly fortunate I felt to be selected by a “data service provider to Google, Yahoo, and Bing”. This was especially impressive since Google and Bing do not use third party providers for their index data and Yahoo hasn’t actually used in-house rankings for over two years now. These guys must have some pull!
Here are some highlights from my conversation with a “supervisor”, since the front-line representative quickly got flustered by my more technical questions:
- Only 3 companies in North America provide this service (What service? “This” service. No further details.)
- They are “fully insured” (Against what? Lawsuits from unhappy
victimsclients?) - Their “programmers” will add us to online directories that take up to “8 hours” to fill out, saving us lots of time (If so, those directories need a redesign! Tell them to give me a call.)
- Google allows them to use multiple keywords (Lucky them! I was only allotted one!)
- When asked what data they provide to Google, exactly: “mass amounts of content” (Just like… every other website on the internet? Googlebot crawls everything that isn’t explicitly blocked.)
- They have a “direct link to Google” (I have no idea what this could possibly mean – does their homepage have a hyperlink to google.com?)
- Their database has a “list of all the postal codes” (And? Should we mail our website to potential clients?)
And they do all this “without modifying the code of your website”!
There was one (hypothetical) caveat, however: had we had too many negative reviews online, Google would “not have allowed them to work with us”. Mercifully we are negative-review-free, thus enabling them to contact us without fear of any repercussions from the mothership.
As the company is located in southern California, I asked him how they found us. It turns out that this company is so advanced that they have what I can only assume is some cutting-edge software that allows them to “receive a notification” when there’s a “suitable company” for an “available position”. We had a “nice website” (thanks!), had “no complaints”, and were doing a “great job so far” – all we needed now were those juicy top 7 rankings.
He then reminded me that they only take one company per niche and that if I didn’t accept his offer, this privilege would be bestowed upon one of our competitors, either in Halifax, “The Prince Edward Island”, or “The New Brunswick”. This gave me pause, as The New Brunswick is an important market for us, but alas I had to refuse. Will a rival receive the gift of “mass amounts of content to Google”? I hope not, especially not for the bargain price of:
- $99 one-time “setup” fee, plus
- $199 month-to month, or
- $169 per month on a 3-month plan
Their list of “all the postal codes” alone is worth that much!
Unfortunately the SEO industry is plagued with this type of company, and lawyers make for an appealing target. This isn’t the first time we receive a sketchy offer but these guys were particularly entertaining. I hesitate to call this a “scam” as they do offer a completely legal service – directory listings, from what little I was able to decipher – but their behaviour is still unethical at best.
LocalSplash have apparently been around for 7 years, so I have to wonder how many small businesses have been duped by their fast talk and unintelligible jargon, and are paying $200 a month for something of negligible value that they could have done themselves. They must be running out of prey leads in their area if they’ve started calling people in Moncton.
Oh, and how did the call end? After 20 minutes he asked me if I was interested; I said no, to which he replied “so you asked questions for 20 minutes but you weren’t interested?”. “Nope. I don’t feel your product makes sense or represents how SEO actually works. Thanks for your time”. He then muttered something and hung up.
As laymen become more familiar with how SEO works, this problem will hopefully take care of itself – but in the meantime, be careful and exercise due diligence.